I was planning to write something over the weekend about my mentors, mentoring others, and the generational divide in the workplace. Instead, there is this. There will be something less ridiculous and less fake-angry some other time.
There is a big generation of people who ought to, by now, be leaving the workplace so people like myself have greater opportunities. Somehow, though, they just won’t leave. I need the money, they say. I am still doing the job, they say. I’m experienced, they say. I am still cool, they say. So I’m going to give you a couple of tips I’ve picked up along the way to help you help these people go away.
Tell everyone around you that Wings is much better than the Beatles. Sing Wings songs loudly to support this notion. The world needs more silly love songs.
Insinuate JFK, RFK, and MLK had it coming to them. Insist the world would be exactly the same had they never existed.
Write a letter to your newspaper every summer when they do their usual, annual “we remember Woodstock” article, and clearly articulate how Woodstock was practically a genocidal disaster, nothing but mud and people who would later claim to have been on drugs. Explain how it’s ridiculous how anyone could think singing loud anywhere would actually stop a war or secure the logistics to feed a large group of young people. Expose the many liars who claim to have attended Woodstock, all seven million of them that you know personally.
Say “Bob Dylan was an idiot” as often as you can. Say it on the phone over your lunch hour. Say it on your break. Get a T-shirt made that says this and wear it on “dress down” day.