Asshole 101: Boomer Privilege

Warning: angry, generalized rant ahead in response to the onslaught of ALL THE THINGS perpetuating the myth that Baby Boomers Rule the World and Will Do So Forever.

Dear Boomers: Through a mystical combination of genetics, propaganda, averages and pure, dumb luck your overpopulated cohort has managed to survive a long number of years on this planet. Because of this, The Universe owes you. Therefore, it’s perfectly fine to cut checkout lines, demand old-age discounts, insist that nothing has value unless you created it, and extinguish the leadership torch your children and grandchildren should inherit rather than passing it along.

You want all the privileges, all the time. You want the perks of being old, but you bristle at being referred to as such. You want your incontinence pads renamed “underwear.” You want a steady supply of pills to keep your fun bits engorged engaged. You want younger people to spurn the things you gleefully enjoyed. To everyone else, this ideology smacks of entitlement. To you, it is a right.

You think you’ve done it all. You think you’ve earned it all. You think you know it all. Well, here’s one thing you’re forgetting: none of us get out of this alive.

It’s only a matter of time. Your prophetic and talented peer James Brown said it best: give it up or turn it loose.

While you can.